Why Is It So Hard to Take a Break?
Let's talk about productivity culture.
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A couple of weeks ago, I saw what was (perhaps) the most relatable thread I’ve ever read on the internet. It came from @AstroKatie and was reposted by one of my favorite Instagram accounts, @Iamthirtyaf. (Pro tip: If you are thirtyAF, or even thirty-twoAF, like me, follow it. You won’t be disappointed).
Ironically, I reposted @AstroKatie on a Sunday while I was doom-scrolling, trying to run away from the Sunday Scaries that inevitably creep up at the end of every weekend. I was also recovering from an especially bad bout of COVID-19. I must have contracted it on the way home from Europe a couple of weeks ago from my seatmate, who couldn’t be bothered to cover her mouth when she (repeatedly) coughed in my general direction.
But I’ll come back to COVID in just a minute.
Just days before I saw @AstroKatie’s thread, I read a Substack post from a dear friend and colleague, Michelle Juergen, titled “It’s Not Easy Being Soylent Green,” which dove (hilariously) into her thoughts on productivity and self-improvement:
“I have to say, I’m getting tired of self-improvement,” Michelle wrote. “Maybe it’s the PMS talking, but I don’t want to improve myself today. What I want to do is get horizontal under a blanket and snarf chocolate-chip cookies and popcorn and zone out to one of my favorite comfort comedies (“Girls Trip” or “Neighbors”) while scrolling reddit snark pages and thinking mean things about influencers. “
And right before I read Michelle’s Substack, I received a text from one of my high school friends lamenting how hard it is for our generation to completely unwind when we have it so ingrained in our heads that we always have to be productive, creating something, or moving on to the next thing
It’s difficult, she said, to just exist and experience every moment.
This has always been a problem for me, and I’m assuming, for many Millennials juggling a corporate job, a social life and a healthy routine. I am a major victim of FOMO, an unwavering perfectionist, a chronic people-pleaser and a yes-man (er, wo-man). Weekends must be packed, plans must be made, projects must be checked off and completed.
For the most part, it served me well. Until it didn’t.
“But that’s what PTO and vacation days are for, Emma,” you must be saying. And I hear you, I really do. But for me (and probably many of you), vacation days are for traveling to see friends and family, catching up on housework and errands and attending social obligations like bachelorette parties, weddings, showers, and more. You’re not wrong — PTO and vacation are meant to make us refreshed. But somehow, they make me more tired.
Am I OK? (I realize I’m asking this in the “Am I OK?” newsletter. This irony is not lost on me.)
I don’t have the answer for how to combat this, but my body clearly did.
After 10 days in another time zone, little sleep, endless networking functions and lots of wine, I lost the battle. Once COVID-19 got me, I couldn’t stay awake for more than a few hours at a time, and I suffered from major brain fog. I tested positive on Saturday, slept all day Sunday, and took off from work on Monday. I had a trip to Tahiti planned for this week — a weeklong cruise island-hopping with my husband — and I canceled it.
While I was ill, I was missing opportunities to be productive. But I didn’t feel guilty … I just felt sick.
I learned two things from this experience: First, if you’re like me (going, going, going), at some point, you’re going to hit a wall. I think back to the analogy of a stove top: If every burner represents one component of your life (keeping up on your health and fitness, exceling in your career, building a social community, or maintaining your romantic relationship), you’ll be unable to keep stirring — and tending to — every pot. You’ve only got two arms. At some point, something will burn (or bubble over — I don’t know about you, but we’re making pasta over here).
Second, we need to shift the conversation around productivity. Society rewards those who push forward. We compare our successes to others. We are encouraged to always work harder, faster, and smarter (otherwise, we’re lazy, unmotivated, unambitious).
It’s not really working for me right now, and I bet it’s not really working for you, either.
I’m going to take baby steps. This weekend, you can find me on the couch, binge watching past seasons of Summer House and the The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, with my hand in a bag of chips and a cat (or two) on my lap. Maybe I’ll drift off into a nap. Maybe I’ll make some cookies and browse some Reddit pages, à la Michelle.
If you’ve made it to the end of this newsletter, do me a favor. Text me and let me know what you’re doing to * actually * unwind, and let’s applaud each other for taking care of ourselves before we hit the point of burnout or sickness. (If you don’t have my number, write it in a comment below.)
We’ll all be OK.
Wishing you all a (stress-free, restful) wonderful start to your week.
Best,
Emma Stern
